Good morning Sir, how can I help you?
Shut up dickhead. You’re not a journalist. You don’t get to ask me questions.
Very good sir. By all means have a look around. We’re open till 5.30.
What a loser. Don’t you have anything better to do than sit around in this scummy shop all day? I’m just in from the States, where I spend a lot of time.
How nice. I hear it’s been unusually cold over there recently.
Cut the global warming crap. Just a moment while I laugh my fucking ass off (I say “ass” because I spend a lot of time in the States by the way). Leftard cuck.
I’m so sorry?
Fuck me why are you even talking to me, can’t you see I’m tweeting? How many followers do you have?
I’m afraid tweeting isn’t really my thing, Sir.
Moron. I’ve got hundreds of thousands. Anyway, I want a charger for my phone. I bought it in the States, where I spend a lot of time, mainly to get away from massive dick-heads like you, and the plug doesn’t fit in this scumbag country.
I’m afraid we don’t have any, Sir. You could try …
Fuck me. You call yourself a mobile phone shop and you don’t have a charger for my I-phone X? What a shithole country, unlike the States where, since I’ve become a massive celebrity, I now spend a lot of time.
I’m afraid we don’t sell mobile phone accessories, just hand-made chocolates, Sir. That’s why the shop is called “Chocolate Heaven.”
What a fucking scumbag hypocrite you are. No wonder you’re so fat. Is that your wife over there? I feel sorry for her personal trainer.
Thank you Sir, can I perhaps suggest you try the Apple Shop just across the road?
So this is a no-go zone except for leftards, commies and terrorists?
No, we’re just a chocolate shop, Sir.
You’re literally throwing me out of your shop because my views offend you. What a fucktard.
You would probably be better off looking for a phone charger in another shop.
Fuck me, what a loser you and your fat wife are. Cucks, retards.
The door is this way, Sir.
Get your fucking ugly genital mutilating hands off me!
This way please, thank you.
I was adviser to Nigel Farage you know …
If you would just remove your foot from the door, Sir.
I could have been leader of UKIP if I hadn’t spent so much time in the States …
We’re closing early today, thank you Sir.
You don’t understand how this works, do you? You can’t argue, can you? You’re afraid of me. I’ve just owned you. Liberal cunt, hypocrite, leftard cuck, moron, sicko, scumbag, fatso, snowflake, Liberal cunt, hypocrite, leftard cuck … [recurring infinitely] …